If You Need Him

My passion is writing about love, sex activity, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

He Wasn't There for Me When I Needed Him—What Should I Exercise?

There are many telltale signs that a guy is planning on being with you for the long run. One of the biggest—how does he react when there is a crisis in your life? Is he at that place for you when you need him, or is he MIA?

When a guy prefers (or chooses) to be MIA when you lot really demand his emotional back up, information technology is very articulate that a long-term relationship is not in the cards for yous. If he claims that he sees a future with you lot, only isn't at that place when you lot need him—y'all need to ask yourself, "Do I really want a guy who is that selfish?"

A guy that claims he cares for y'all needs to be in that location during the nifty and not-so-slap-up times—anything less is unacceptable.

Why would you want to exist with a guy that simply wants to be with you during the good times? No affair how positive you are, no matter how difficult you try to live your life in a good way—crap happens; it'due south role of life. If a guy cannot be in that location for you during the good and bad times, again, why would you want to be with him?

I've dated men who accept been in that location to give me emotional back up when I've needed it, as well as a few men who take not. I tin tell you lot this; not having a guy there for me when I needed him was very hurtful—emphasizing that actions really practice speak much louder than words. Regardless of how much a guy would tell me, over and over once more, that he really liked me, the true test of those "feelings" was whether or not he was in that location when I needed him.

Sometimes, you need to get through trying times in your life in order to realize if a guy truly cares most yous, or if he is blowing smoke upwardly your donkey. I empathize that not everyone deals with tragedy or crisis well; however, there is a huge deviation between being there—even to have a guy simply concord your manus and hug you, versus being too busy to make the time or physically being there, while completely checking out emotionally—unconcerned and unsympathetic.

The day I found out that my grandmother had cancer, it was devastating for me. Trying to wrap my head around the give-and-take "cancer" and and so linking it to my grandmother, a person I love with my unabridged centre, seemed so surreal and unimaginable.

When I shared this data with a guy I had been dating for several months, he seemed very disinterested and frankly, rather tuned out. He was more interested in Facebook as he was scrolling on his phone, looking at posts while I was pouring my heart out. As I was opening up to him well-nigh my fears and concerns—in need of his emotional support, his reaction was, "Right, right; yeah, that sucks." Seriously?!

Who doesn't have the decency to at least give someone their full attention when a discussion equally frightening as "cancer" comes up? He didn't. That was the day I realized that the end of our relationship was happening correct in front of my eyes. This was not the type of man I could see myself with for the long haul. Once that vision was clear to me, there was no signal in standing the human relationship.

As I expressed how rude he was being and that I couldn't believe that looking at Facebook was more important than what I was sharing, it dawned on me that if he really saw this relationship going to the adjacent level in any capacity, he would accept been there for me emotionally, as well as physically.

If a guy tunes out when you need him the nearly, it'due south commonly because he was not fully tuned in to the human relationship, to brainstorm with. I'm not maxim that tuning out volition never happen, only it should non occur when you are clearly upset. If he truly cares and realizes that he has been tuning out on y'all during a time of emotional hurting, he will quickly dial back in, doing everything in his power to be there for you.

Life is never going to be joyful all the fourth dimension. In that location are bound to be a few emotional roller-coasters along the fashion, which will test any relationship, making it stronger or possibly tearing it autonomously. In my situation, it tore united states of america apart. Luckily, not all men are similar that, and I have met many that are the complete opposite . . . one guy, in particular, has definitely outshined the others.

A guy who can realize that something is wrong past the tone of your vocalisation and shows business is a guy worth keeping.

Not that long ago, I had an unexpected personal crisis that suddenly entered my life while I was on the telephone with the guy that I am currently dating. Merely hearing a divergence in my vocalization, he could tell that something was wrong with me. Since our relationship at that point was adequately new, I was hesitant in wanting to share what had happened. I feared scaring him off, so I apace got off the phone with him and chosen my best friend for communication and comfort.

Curl to Continue

Read More From Pairedlife

I learned that the correct guy doesn't get scared or turn off easily. The guy I'm dating was more in-tune with my emotions than I had realized. By the time we spoke once again, he fabricated me experience comfortable, safety, and supported. I was able to share with him what was going on, without any fearfulness of his reaction. His genuine concern fabricated me experience cared for—and it didn't stop there. Before I knew information technology, he was on his way to my place—being there past my side, when I needed someone the most.

The expectation of having a guy in that location for you when you need him will plain vary depending on how long you have dated. As time passes and feelings develop, "is he there when you truly need him?" If the answer is no, you might want to re-evaluate his true intentions.

Ladies, having a guy there for you—being fully nowadays and giving you a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or a hug, feels amazing, even more than and then when information technology'due south not expected. A guy who sees potential in a hereafter with y'all will be right by your side through all of the cliches . . . thick and thin, in sickness and in wellness, as well as in good times and bad. In social club for any human relationship to grow and move on to the adjacent level, information technology is imperative not only to take open communication . . . merely to likewise exist there for one another.

This content is authentic and truthful to the best of the author's knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized communication from a qualified professional.

Laura on November 19, 2018:

MIA. Missing in action. Not being there at all physically or emotionally

Georgia on February 08, 2018:

What is MIA?

LaTrice from Las Vegas, NV on Dec 27, 2017:

I admittedly love the article. You're right about everything. Women aren't obligated to cling on to relationships when it'southward non beingness reciprocated. I believe both parties should make themselves emotionally bachelor during the hard times. If your meaning other is unable to support you, it'due south best to walk away.

happycamper10 on December 04, 2017:

And I presume that the reverse is every bit true before she proves herself worthy of a homo's eye, right?

She has to prove she'south a good leader (she makes wise decisions with actions and money), morals/grapheme, care for others beyond herself, does the right affair (fifty-fifty when no ones looking), stands for something, honest, and believes family is of import.

When I read lifestyle blogs similar this I experience that there is an inherent assumption that women exhibit all the right behaviors in relationships and that men inherently don't and must prove themselves worthy.

This wasn't written as gender neutral, as in "your partner needs to bear witness". It was written specifically about men..."he" needs to prove.

Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on September 04, 2014:

Thank you realtalk247. I appreciate y'all reading and all your comments. I definitely agree that, "women demand to think that men should non be given your heart upon slight acquaintance. He has to show he's a good leader, ect...." Love that statement! :)

realtalk247 on August 29, 2014:

I loved this article. You lot are so correct. So many women cling to relationships when the deportment of the human being simply say your needs are irrelevant to me. Reciprocity must exist in a good for you relationship. If someone is not there for you when yous need then you lot have to believe: "When people evidence you who they are believe them."

Sometimes people brand excuses for a presentation that says: I'm merely there for the adept times, I'm selfish, and the only person that matters in life is me. At present is this spousal relationship material or father material? Admittedly Not! Women need to remember that men should non be given your center upon slight acquaintance. He has to prove he'south a expert leader (he makes wise decisions with actions and money), morals/grapheme, care for others across himself, does the right thing (even when no ones looking), stands for something, honest, and believes family is important. Too many times we see signs earlier fifty-fifty getting involved with someone that shows red flags.

Deportment exercise speak louder than words and a homo that loves you lot will be willing to care, sacrifice, and be there for you lot during good and bad times.

Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on August 27, 2014:

Thank you Mary and thank you for reading.

Mary on Baronial 26, 2014:

Very insightful and accurate observation.

yeagerimat1987.blogspot.com

Source: https://pairedlife.com/advice/IsHeThereForYouWhenYouNeedHim

Share this post